10 Ways “The Brady Bunch” Can Help Make Your Layoff Groovy

I adored “The Brady Bunch”. I mean, who didn’t watch this show? Seriously: If you’re out there, I’d love to know who you are. You must have had a painful childhood. I used to be able to quote every episode and recall each cornball moment that TBS reran religiously throughout my grade school years.

While scanning this morning’s news, I saw that the Bradys are celebrating  their 40th anniversary (the show ran from 1969-1974). 40 years! Wow. I guess I need to buy them a silver platter or something.

It got me thinking: What in the heck has kept this family going? Of course, it’s the kitsch factor. This show was basically giving itself a wedgie throughout its entire run. 

But, these people seemed to surmount every obstacle put in their way. They worked up countless creative resolutions for their problems – whether it was overcoming a lisp or trying out for cheerleader. With that, I took a look back at my favorite “Brady Bunch” episodes and compiled a list of 10 tips for making your layoff “Bradylicious”.

1. Buy a wig for a new look. Something really big and outrageous so you stand out. A black afro wig is really far out.
2. Create a new gig for yourself. A variety show (see: “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour”) or seasonal TV movie is really cool.
3. Call a celebrity to come save the day. Where are Davy Jones and Don Drysdale when you need ‘em? Don Ho is especially groovy.
4. Join every club you can get your hands on to network and meet new friends. Scuba’s right on. School plays are groovy, too.
5. Make yourself a local celebrity by finding a record to break, something cool like teeter-totter.
6. Form a family singing group, make up a funky fresh dance routine and enter a talent show to win money. Can you dig it?
7. Take a trip to the Grand Canyon.
8. Try to get a record contract. You might get to be somebody cool in the process, like Johnny Bravo.
9. Become a pool shark.
10. Express yourself by carving out a personal space. Is the attic taken? Don’t forget beaded curtains! Far out.

What did YOU learn from the Bradys?

http://www.tvland.com/shows/brady_bunch/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brady_Bunch

A Belated Thank You to The 405 Club’s Sunday Blog Brunch

Thank you, thank you to the awesome 405 Club, “New York’s Official Unemployment Network”! They kindly invited me to their Sunday Blog Brunch to enjoy some mimosas while waxing poetically about my Miss Pink Slip experience. No, they didn’t get me tipsy. They’s good people.

The Sunday Blog Brunch is a brief, fun interview with bloggers ”documenting the recession and unemployment firsthand”. It’s just one feature on this hilarious, addictive site. If you’re in the NY/NJ/PA area or are looking for work in the vicinity, you need to join The 405 Club pronto.

Thanks again for the mimosas and lurve. 

PS–Do as I say, not as I do. In the job interview world, two days is way too late to send a “thank you” note. In my defense, I’d just returned from a HUGE SEC football game (GEAUX TIGERS!) and was resting. My sentiments, however, remain just as true.

http://www.the405club.com/post/204198044/miss-pink-slip

What’s Your Pleasure?

As I was finishing off my bowl of ABCs and 123s chased with chips and salsa, I saw that “Little House on the Prairie” was on. And, not only that, but it was the episode where Ma thinks Pa is gettin’ it on with the young, attractive widow for whom he’s moonlighting in order to afford some fancy new dishes for the Ingalls’ dinner table. Sadly, I had a big ol’ smile on my face at the end of the show, then got to turn it to Lifetime for my double-dose of “How I Met Your Mother” re-runs. Ahhhh…guilty pleasures. Does it get any better?

When you’re down and out, unemployed, victimized by recession, dumped and/or stuck with roots that you can’t afford to have colored, guilty pleasures can be the only thing to get you through the muck. But just because they’re called “guilty”, don’t be coy about them bringing you joy. Embrace them. Honor them. Love them.

Herewith are Miss Pink Slip’s 10 favorite guilty pleasures. These are the things that bring me glee and cause me no shame. Well, maybe they do a little. Enjoy:

1. My many, many magazine subscriptions. Vogue, Elle, O The Oprah Magazine, House Beautiful, Marie Claire, Cosmo, Time, Business Week, Atlanta Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, etc. The entire staffs of Hearst and Conde Nast should thank me for their jobs
2. Horoscopes in the backs of those many, many magazines. Elle, you suck for getting rid of the Numerology page!
3. Chef Boyardee. Ravioli. ‘Nuff said.
4. “Touched by an Angel”. Shut up. I hear you judging me!
5. Chili dogs
6. El Azteca- only you Atlantans can appreciate the nastiness
7. Romance novels of the 50s and 60s
8. 64 box of Crayons and coloring books featuring Barbie 
9. Seeing cheesy teen movies in the theater. I swear I was the only female in the audience of “Never Been Kissed” who’d actually had my period
10. Show tunes(from “Annie”, ”Sound of Music”, “Rent”) that pop up on my iPod while in the shuffle songs function

What are your guilty pleasures?

My Name Is Miss Pink Slip, and I’m a Shopaholic

In order to save a few bucks on Saturday night, I stayed home and watched a movie on Comcast Pay-Per-View - the frothy, silly, yet somewhat entertaining “Confessions of a Shopaholic” with “Wedding Crashers” cutie Isla Fisher (fabulous hair) and my new favorite heartthrob, Hugh Dancy.

I related to the lead character’s pulse race upon having Henri Bendel’s iconic brown-and-white striped shopping bag looped around her arm. As she passes the mannequins whispering sweet nothings to her on Fifth and Madison Aves. As she drinks to be brave enough to open her bills. As she ultimately sells all of her belongings to pay off her credit card debt. No, I haven’t sold my clothes. I’ve just shopped in that SoHo warehouse where they set her sale. Actually, it’s a church reception hall in NYC where craftsmen sell jewelry, clothing and handbags. I recognized the address on the fake flyer in the film. That was the scariest realization of all.

I’ve known this for a while. I knew it pre-, pre-, pre-recession and pre-layoff. But, seeing it satirized on screen, it became real for me. I, Miss Pink Slip, am a shopaholic.

Now, I’m not a shopaholic in the film’s over-the-top sense. I own no Louboutins (although, I greatly covet them), and the only couture I’ve seen up close was at the Met last weekend at “The Model as Muse” exhibit.  That said, I’m best friends with the trinity: TJ Maxx, Marshalls and Loehmann’s. Half-price books at the Strand and on Amazon.com make me smile more than, well, Hugh Dancy. I have so much sh*t in my closet it’s unreal….and I have unreal debt to match.

So what’s a girl to do? Well, I’m trying to make a wholehearted effort to curtail the shopping. I’ve got to get a life and pay off the cards. And no, I’m not telling you how much there is to pay off. I’m keeping that little bit of denial for myself. Plus, I don’t want all you ever-so-helpful “credit counselors” stalking me.

Can I do it? Ha! As I’m typing this, my sister just emailed me a 30% off coupon for Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic. The demons are already upon me!

Any tips? I pray I’m not beyond hope.

Perez Gets Punched. Is This a Case of What Comes Around Goes Around?

It’s about time.

I’m sickly addicted to checking Perez Hilton, and I know many of y’all are, too. But, I abhor his attacks and rants against people, no matter how much they may deserve it. I find him cruel, and I’ve been wondering when karma would kick him in the ass.

Well, it looks like the Black Eyed Peas’ manager Polo Molina has done just that. I’m not going to regurgitate the whole story, but there’s a lesson to be learned.

Perez has flaunted his success (gained by dubious “means”, and I do mean “means”) gratuitously, and I think this is just the first instance of what could be a series of what comes around goes arounds. People are sick of his crap.

In hard times, people are desperate to make a buck and land that job of jobs, but remember who you are and where you came from. When you succeed by stepping on other people en route to the top, people will eventually see you for what you are, and you’ll come tumbling down.

So keep your wits about you during this recession or your job search. It’s not worth it to be ruthless in your pursuit.

Speidi–are you paying attention?

Photo: AP

iPhone @ $99? Um…Still Don’t Think I’m Buying If It Means I Have to Use AT&T

Have you heard there’s a new Apple iPhone coming June 19? (I kid…it’s everywhere. Of course you’ve heard it).

For those not in the know, Steve Jobs’ crew also has a $99 iPhone 3G. Now that the prices are lower, will you buy one? Even if you’re unemployed or struggling in this recession?

http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2009/06/08/live-from-apples-wwdc-2009/

P.S.–My Dad even has an iPhone. I think I officially have no cool points left. They’ve all been transferred to Daddy Dave…

Life Without Lifetime: Should MPS “Cut the Cord on Cable”?

It’s so funny that Christopher Lawton’s piece on the recession and cable ran in Thursday morning’s Wall Street Journal. While I was en route to work and listening to NPR (which I haven’t done in a LONG time), I was thinking about a long-held vision of nixing my cable. I kept shaking my head and saying to myself, “it’ll never happen”… “what would I do without ‘Gossip Girl’?” Ever since my last day on the old job in December and even now that I’m employed again, I’ve been contemplating what just might happen if I only had basic cable or, worse, no cable at all!!!

GASP! 

I might actually read more books, take more walks, mingle among more humans or even write that novel percolating in my head for the past 10 years (I know, everyone wants to write a novel. How cliche!). God forbid any of that healthy activity come to pass!

In fair disclosure, I did take my cable package down a notch while I was unemployed (and it stays that way today). My friends were shocked then, and that was just getting rid of about 50 extra channels. But (and that’s a BIG BUT), it eliminated my access to offerings such as the Lifetime Movie Network.

Before you chastise and laugh at me, let me just say one thing: LIFETIME IS EVERY WOMAN’S GUILTY PLEASURE. Why do you think every chick lit novel known to [wo]man references the network? I don’t care who you are. You know you feel a twinge of excitement riding up your leg every time you see another airing of sorority drama “Dying to Belong” (starring a young, 90210-era Hilary Swank) or “Willing to Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story” featuring a fabulously deranged Lesley Ann Warren with a hot-rolled coif as big as the state of Texas itself. 

To answer your question: Yes, I have regular Lifetime, but LMN is uninterrupted, mindless melodrama 24/7. No episodes of “Frasier” or “Reba” (which I watch…secretly…) to screw up the movie momentum.

Sadly, television obsession is not a new thing for me. Since I was a kid, I’ve been fixated with the boob tube. In fact, there’s an urban legend out there that I used to discuss “Dallas” with my first grade teacher every week in school. Hmmm… might be some truth to that. I watched everything from “Gimme a Break”, “That’s Incredible!” and “Trapper John, M.D.” to “She’s the Sheriff”, “Small Wonder” and the Saturday morning NBC classic “Hang Time”. Didn’t matter how crappy, I was there supporting our small-screen stars with eyes possessed.

So, what would I do without the Oxygen Channel, CNN, ESPN (I love college football!) or even NBC? I’ve proved I can get along without IFC or even HBO, but basic networks? Seriously, I don’t know if I could do it. I don’t care how many Hulus are out there online. I don’t care how many reality shows pollute the airwaves. TV is as comforting to me as a quilt from home, mashed potatoes or a hug from my Daddy. When we’re experiencing the times we are, it’s the little things that help us forget our troubles.

So, why should I rid myself of such a simple pleasure now when I need it the most? What do you think? Have you let your cable go? You dare me to give mine the pink slip?

I know. I need to get a life.

 http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124347195274260829.html

(photo: The Guardian, U.K.)

Like, Duh: Romance Novels Booming! A Popular Recession Escape

Oh, I’m so on the pulse of recessionistas!

Check out this story from the AP: ”Romance novels offer comfort in down economy; Genre provides cheap way to escape, is a good coping mechanism, many say”

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30986580/?gt1=43001

For my own list of favorite “romance” titles, click here. Pick one, lean back and insert yourself into another world!

http://tinyurl.com/qhpdda

Recession Expression Photo Challenge: A Healthy Way to Vent Your Frustration

Maybe something positive can come from your own personal recession hell.

The “Recession Expression Photo Challenge” is asking you to share your thoughts or experiences with the recession for a chance to win some great prizes. According to representative Ashley Futak, “The campaign is shaping up to be a photo gallery of the effects of the recession, and we have received some very powerful and insightful photos.”

For more information, please visit http://www.brickfish.com/RecessionExpression

This is really cool. Get your cameras out and participate! Might provide the catharsis you need to feel better. And, again, no COBRA necessary!

Look to the Stars if You’re in Need of Reinvention

I’m going to comment on my own post from yesterday about television upfronts, cancellations and actors getting the pink slip.

Just want to say that although we may experience twinges of schadenfreude when it comes to the “out of work actor”, these folks in entertainment are genius at reinvention and will always come up with solutions for survival.  We should look to them for inspiration.

TV pilot doesn’t get picked up? Movie roles not coming in? Well, write a book! Make an exercise video! Host a reality show! Create a handbag/jewelry/clothing/lingerie line. It all brings in the $$$. Granted, these are celebrity solutions, but your own “exercise video” is out there.

So, if you’re looking for a little reinvention, embrace these three tips I’ve learned from the stars. They could be very helpful to you in times of recession and unemployment:

1. Act the part. No matter how bad the situation is, keep your chin up, smile and act confident. Nothing’s going to lick you! And as Scarlett O’Hara famously said, “Tomorrow is another day”
2. Create a dream team. Just like celebs have publicists, agents, managers, stylists, life coaches, etc., you should take their lead and put together your own support team. Call on friends who are great at networking, self-promotion, organization, brainstorming and image. Most importantly, enlist spiritual friends and others you can lean on psychologically and emotionally
3. Get creative. Leverage your other talents and interests. Believe me, you have them, and God gave them to you to use! Maybe this is the time to uncover your photography interests, your desire to give back through non-profits, your dormant creative writing ability, whatever. Try something new! You might find you’re good at it; and, it could help bring in the dough