Mindless Movie Monday

bring-it-on1

If you’re home today, there is a virtual buffet of trashy TV movies on at 2 p.m. ET:

  • E! – “Bring It On: All or Nothing”,the third bastard offspring of “Bring It On” starring Hayden Panettiere and Solange Knowles. Features tricky cheerleading stunts, slutty dancing and lots of tacky valley chicks with faux-straightened hair, non-existent skirts and belly rings that would have gotten me kicked off my squad. Granted, that was back in ‘da day, so what do I know?
  • Lifetime – “True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet”featuring some allegedly famous teen singer named JoJo and Jenny Craig-follower/Eddie Van Halen-ex Valerie Bertinelli. Crazy Lindsay Lohan-esque teen actress leaves rehab and moves in, undercover, with her mom’s friend in a sleepy town. Chaos ensues, she makes out with a boy, everyone finds out who she is, blah, blah, blah. Also stars one of those girls from the new 90210.
  • Lifetime Movie Network – “The Secret Life of Zoey” Mia Farrow, divorce, crazy teen prescription drug overdose. Drama. Drama. Drama. Should probably be titled “The Secret Life of Zoey: A Moment of Truth Movie” but I guess it wasn’t on NBC and it wasn’t starring Candance Cameron or Melissa Joan Hart.
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