I Think I’m a Horoscope Whore: What’s In It For Me In 2010?

Every December, my magazine addiction kicks into an even fiercer gear when January issues begin hitting my mailbox. I frantically tear through each glossy mag, searching for that “astrology” or “horoscope” page usually listed under “In Every Issue” in the Table of Contents. 

Why? I’m always dying to know what happens next. Yes, I’m the one who reads the end of a book first. I’ll read recaps of TV shows that I haven’t seen yet just because I have to know what transpired. I love surprises, but it’s like tickling me until I pee in my pants. I just can’t take the suspense and anxiety!

All my favorite magazines have horoscope features: Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, Town & Country, Elle… you name it. My favorite, however, is Cosmopolitan‘s “Bedside Astrologer”. I think it’s because every year, that risqué rag promises me a hot, passionate love affair to top all others with the kindest, manliest soul ever found on God’s green Earth. Yeah… I’ve been waiting for that to happen since the 1996 edition, Cosmo Friend. A girl can dare to dream, though.

Much like self-help reading, I think all these horoscopes have become too much for one’s brain to handle. Like information overload. Why can’t I settle for, “It’s a brand New Year;  let’s just see what happens”?  That’s a pretty novel concept, don’t you think?

Many of us have experienced monumental challenges this year – from job losses to a crashing economy to overseas wars, environmental disasters, etc. We all want answers to life’s biggest questions. It’s no surprise: All you have to do is look around you to know we could use a giant slice of faith and optimism. 

So here’s hoping you bring some ease to your life in 2010. You certainly don’t need a horoscope to tell you that.

Are you like me? Can you help taking a peek into the future?

–For the record, I believe one’s fate lies primarily with God. So no fun-killing, catty “horoscopes are the Devil” kind of comments.–

Picture: Cosmopolitan.com

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9 responses to “I Think I’m a Horoscope Whore: What’s In It For Me In 2010?

  1. Hi Pink,

    I have no clue who you are but I am totally with you. I out grew Cosmo ages ago around the time I turned 30 but in the few years since then, I always buy the January issue. It’s a riot. It’s ALWAYS wrong. It keeps wanting me to marry a Pisces and I have never dated on in my entire life. They like me but I think I scare them because they flirt but never ask me out. Which is fine with me because I really don’t want to marry my mom.

    • Rachel, I suck. I’m so sorry I’m just now responding to you. That’s hysterical! I’m experiencing dating drama right now, and let me tell you… Cosmo ain’t any help. 🙂

  2. You can find more like those below at http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-771-Job-Search-Whats-Your-Sign-Hot-Jobs-for-Your-Horoscope/

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    Your traits: Diplomatic, idealistic, easygoing, creative and sociable. Your gregarious and trustworthy nature makes you well-liked by all.

    Compatible jobs: Your sense of justice and interest in people make you a strong candidate for positions in public service, philanthropy, law and medicine. Libras’ imaginative nature also lends them to careers in the arts.

    • Poet: $53,864

    • Judge: $72,990

    • Public Services Director: $39,221

  3. Hey Pink…Horoscopes give one nothing but horror because they usually are recycled for months or years from people who prey upon the desparate. Remember reading about a case where a man read his ‘scope in a Detroit newspaper DAILY. Did what the ‘scope said would ‘secure’ him a great income. He didn’t get what he was promiesd and SUED. The newspaper’s defense? The ‘scopes were ‘entertainment’, and not held to be true. The newspaper won, and the man LOST!Wanna know the future? Grab a Bible and look at it! Yeah, you’re young and love the mirror…now, but tomorrow is not promised. We’ve all had to do it. Glad you’re back to work…and you said it: GOD did bless. Now, read HIS book! TTFN!

  4. Astrology is startling accurate if you read credible sources. The small newspaper daily blurb is not an extensive or credible source. There are many far more sophisticated sources. It’s the oldest science in the world Mike. The bible is not Mike. Astrology is the heavens and how it affects personalities by the laws of physics. If it can move oceans and control the tides, and we are 90 percent water, think about it. The Bible was written by men for men. And don’t even make me get into the New Vs Old Testament stuff. Secondarily, men generally scoff at it. If it were naked and holding a beer you wouldn’t. 🙂

  5. and you speak of astrology “preying upon the desperate” Mike? UMMMM, excuse me, but if I recall, ( and one only need watch the news and turn on the radio every day to get a giant load of this), The Bible and religion in general has caused more uproar, confusion, fear, loathing, sexism, hatred and descension world-wide than anything. Hilarious. Perhaps you’ve heard of the GAZA strip? Or the Palestinians? Israel? The Taliban? I rest my case Mr. Smarty Pants. 🙂

  6. oh twitter API. how i hate you so.

  7. 3) usar a api do twitter e as funcionalidades para melhorar a usabilidade #intercon2011

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